The start of the process

We all have our down days and today I’m feeling that!

I was watching a ‘comical’ video of a woman who couldn’t get it together. It was supposed to be comical but all I could see is me!

I’m the most disorganised mum you can imagine! I hate it, I don’t want to be this way but I am, I also know it’s a sign of ADHD and for a while now I’ve suspected I may have ADHD and autism. As a child the signs of autism screamed at you but unfortunately I was born in the 80’s, I could talk, (thanks to speech therapy) I could walk (eventually) so nothing was done. Now, I’d of had an autistic label stuck on back in the 1st appointment because it was that obvious.

I always wondered why I was different but then I could see similarities in my son apart from we dealt with them in different ways. I would be non verbal and cry, he would lash out in frustration. I’m guessing that would be the difference between a girl and a boy.

To this very day I find life incredibly difficult, whether that’s work, domestic, social, emotionally or any other, it feels like a challenge.

I do love working but it’s fitting everything in around it that I struggle with.

I do kickboxing and yet I struggle so much with the coordination I consider quitting but the only reason why I took it up in the first place is to get my son involved and because I’m there with him, he finds it easier to cope. That’s the only reason why I haven’t quit.

My son has to get his special needs from somewhere and I think it’s about time I started on the path to figure out if it’s me or not.

It would explain so much, why I struggled socially, why I struggle to fit in anywhere, why I’m so disorganised, why I struggled in school, why I can’t focus on anything but when I am focused I’m almost obsessed, why I’ve always been extra emotional and simply why I’ve always felt different to everybody else.

Today I’m going to make that appointment which will hopefully get me on the right path.

I will blog my journey so if anybody else is feeling the same way but anxious to start the process, hopefully my road will make it a little easier for you to take that first step

 

4 thoughts on “The start of the process

  1. Really get this post. It reinforces what I suspected about myself. We got conflicting medical advice, autism was either hereditary or it wasn’t or they didn’t know. We always assumed it came from my partners side, they have had a couple of instances of Aspergers. But when I look at myself as a kid – I struggled with balance and coordination, I hated being near strangers, struggled with communication, I would line up all my toys in straight lines, high levels of anxiety, struggled making friends….. So I strongly suspect I am on the autistic spectrum.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Sounds pretty much identical to me! As far as I’m aware autism is hereditary. My mum has always said how embarrassing it was because I always cried the second anybody spoke to me! There was always suspicions there was something wrong with me so I went for thousands of tests, even brain scans but they found nothing. I just wish they knew more about it back then. Don’t know how complex it is diagnosing adults but we shall see!

      Like

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