I want progression but I’ve done all I can and now I have to rely on people doing what they should be doing.
On Friday I went to my GP and spoke to her about my concerns and what I wanted, I want a diagnosis, if I’m correct in thinking that I am autistic.
Why do I want a diagnosis at 35 years old? Because I want answers, I want to know why I am like I am and why I’ve struggled the whole of my life with things people don’t appear to struggle with.
She was fantastic, I expected a form to fill out to check if I was depressed, I know I’m not and I’m happy that she did not give me that form!
What she did do was listen, ask questions and write the answers down.
GP’s are unable to diagnose autism or anything alike but she can take down as much information as possible to pass on to the relevant person and then that’s a head start.
I was waiting a while to be seen and in that time I managed to count every single flu flag hanging up, read every single poster surrounding me, realise a diabetes poster was 2 years old and I didn’t stop fidgeting once.
I didn’t realise I was doing any of this until I looked around to see everybody else sitting perfectly still and when I looked down, my foot was in constant motion. I then realised that counting flags, examining posters and not sitting still wasn’t quite normal!
One poster that catches your eye, fine, every single poster without even realising I was doing it is not! And then I started looking back and realised that I do this everywhere and wherever I go and then I realised when I was in last, I was constantly watched by people who clearly found it fascinating to see a grown woman taking in so much detail of everything around.
A door opened, I knew I was next because I had been studying the people coming and going and calculating who I was going to be after. My calculations don’t make any logical sense but they do in my head.
There was a beep and I instantly stood up knowing it was my name, I looked up and I was correct.
I went in and all I could think about was the diabetes poster being out of date and how there was 10 flu flags with 2 hiding out of sight (I clocked them on the way out )
I managed to focus and say half of what I wanted to with confidence.
The GP eventually brought it to a close and told me she’d look into the best approach for me.
She was lovely and took me very seriously.
On the way out I took one last look at the out of date diabetes poster, smiled to myself thinking the next time I go in, that poster will still be there.
Let’s hope I’m not waiting too long for the next step – if they allow me to move to the next step.