It’s just one week! 

It’s been a tough week!

My son is struggling again with his ADHD, maybe it’s time to introduce the medication again, even if it’s just to get him though a patch he is clearly finding difficult. We’ll see, no rushed decisions. 

He’s been struggling in and out of school and this week I just don’t have the patience for it. I’ve struggled to keep it together and remain patient, understanding and be the parent I know he needs me to be. 

I know I have to be that parent otherwise everything falls to pieces. I’m not naturally patient or calm. I’m naturally a shouter and when I say jump, you jump. That doesn’t work for him, everything has to be worded correctly to his understanding. 

I’ve been that parent for 2 years now and I’ll admit, I’m tired! It’s hard work because what I say and what I want to say have to be 2 very different things! 

He’s just recently got into the habit of throwing himself down the stairs everytime something doesn’t quite go his way. Luckily with my stairs, there’s only a few at a time so it’s not a full staircase.

This is new, I’m working on ignoring it and praying he doesn’t actually really hurt himself and hopefully he’ll realise, that’s not getting him anywhere! I know he doesn’t actually hurt himself, I figured that out the other day when my patience was still intact and I went down to find him laying half way down the stairs claiming to of really hurt his ankle, but very quickly got over it when I made a joke about it! What can I say? I’m that hilarious my humour can mend damaged ankles!

I know I’m probably just having an off week and it’s overflowing on to him (or the other way round!) but I need to get back to what he needs fast and I will! Just give me the weekend to refresh. I’ve decided to spend the morning at the gym tomorrow hoping I will come out feeling like I can take on the world. 

I understand that one, off week isn’t the end of the world, I’m only human and I probably have it a little bit tougher than your average parent so I’m going easy on myself but I still need to get back what he needs. 

I think a lot of us parents are too tough on ourselves, not just me. 

Parenting is a tough job and some take it on more naturally than others, it doesn’t make you a bad parent. 

I’ve been beating myself up over this week but when it comes down to it, he wouldn’t of come on this far without my patience and willing to spend hours of my time educating myself on what he needs and what I have to be to make it work and of course putting it into action and never giving up. 

Moral of the story. Don’t beat yourself up over one bad day or week, look back on what you have done and pat yourself on the back because your child/ren would not be where they are now if it wasn’t for your constant love and support 

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Neither for or against

When I started blogging I thought if I’m going to do this I’m going to make sure it’s always honest and real.

Unfortunately sometimes that may mean I might bring up some controversial subjects but it’s ok to disagree, if everybody agreed on everything, life would get a little bit boring!

ADHD and medication
Yes, there you go I said it!

This is always going to be a subject that people disagree on.

When my son was first diagnosed with ADHD the pediatrician recommended that I tried medication out to get the ADHD under control.

As any parent would I asked questions, did any bit of research I could but that confused me more as you’d find something that was pro medication and then you’d look at something else to find it against medication. It makes the whole process very confusing and to top it off, you ask the pediatrician for advice and she looks at you like you’re stressing over nothing.

I had his school telling me that I didn’t have any other options to because the ADHD was so out of control.

That was wrong of them. It is not up to the school when you’re are making the decision to put drugs into your child or not.
If he was ill and the drugs were there to make him better than fair enough but he’s got ADHD! It’s not a sickness.

I have to try and figure out if this is what’s best for him or not.

I came to the decision that there was only one way to find out – give him the medication.

The first day went great, he actually sat and watched a whole TV programme without getting distracted or bored. That was new!

When the medication finally left his system, all hell broke loose. I had to send my daughter to her room because I feared for her safety. I instinctively knew what to do, let him go on the rampage whilst keeping him away from my daughter until he runs out of steam.

It worked and then he dropped to the floor crying whilst still trying to fight.

I laid on the floor with him and put my arms around him holding him tight. He tried to fight me off but eventually gave up and held on to me as tightly as he could.

I could feel all that anger and frustration leave his body and mind.

It was one of the most heartbreaking moments I have had with him and it was because I gave him that tiny little pill called Medikinet.

I said I would never give him one of those again. I would rather put the extra effort in all day then have an amazing easy day with him and have that when it wears off.

The following day I did some more research and realised that perhaps I was giving up too easily.

Maybe his brain just had to get used it so I gave it another chance whilst this time prepared for the worse.

For sure enough he was much calmer when it had left his body. I was right, he just had to get used to it. So in the day time he would be focused and calm and by the evening, I’ve got my hyper little dude back

I thought this could work! Perfect for school!

He was on it for the whole year and did amazing, his grades went from just below average to almost above average, he was making new friends, he was much more manageable. He was doing amazing! I was so relieved that first day didn’t scare me off!

Then it all changed, he started refusing to take the medication, we had discussions about why he needs to take it but he still really didn’t want to.

I asked him why.

His response was ‘I don’t feel like me when I take it, it stops me from having fun and enjoying myself’

That was it, I had a chat with the school and they discouraged me from taking him off of the medication.

I then spoke to the pediatrician and she said, his problems with focusing again will start so she also discouraged me from taking him off of the medication.

I went home and thought about it. Just because the issues are there doesn’t mean they always have to be resolved with medication. Sometimes I do believe it’s absolutely necessary but not always.

He will just need to have more support and the school should give him that rather then relying on medication.

I took him off the medication. I want my boy to do well in school but I’d rather him be an average grade student and be happy then an above average grade student feeling miserable.

I didn’t tell the school because I thought, everytime he slips up, they’re going to blame it on the fact he’s not on medication.

To this day they still think he’s on it and I’m more than happy with that because they are working with the real child and he’s learning how to fight and use his ADHD to his advantage.

I’m still open to giving him the medication if I think he’s struggling too much and it’s causing him to be unhappy or even if he comes to me and asks me for it.

I’ve read the pros and cons of medication.

This is neither.

This is saying it’s amazing for some but not for others. Like my boy, there may be moments when it’s needed but it’s not necessary on a permanent basis

If it was up to me, my son would still be on it because it helped him so much but he gave it a chance and agreed that it helped him but it made him unhappy which is not what my aim is.

Whatever your view on medication, remember most parents are doing their best for their child. They’re not looking for an easy way out! That’s not what it’s about. Medication is there to help our children focus and find life that little bit easier.

Many parents already feel the guilt of medicating their child but most of the time, they feel like they’ve gone through every other option.

For my boy, I do believe the meds did their job, we wanted to get the ADHD under control and they did just that.

So although, we can get by without the medication now I’m not sure we would be where we are today without them.

Maybe one day we might need them again but for now, he can enjoy life without them

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Needless fear

Yesterday I was getting on with my day when my phone rang, I looked down at my phone and my heart starts racing.

It was my sons school.

Anybody with a special needs child will understand that feeling.

I mean, I get it, nobody wants a phone call from their child’s school, every thought goes through your head, mainly are they injured and are they sick.

With a special needs child it’s very different. Any parent of a superhero child will tell you they wish only those 2 things went through their head when they get that call!

My heart starts racing
My hands become clammy
Every possible thought goes through my head from has he been sick to is he having a meltdown and unable to bring himself out of it.

These meltdowns can be as calm as him locking himself in the toilets to get himself away from everybody to a full blown meltdown of him trashing rooms and attacking anybody that dare comes near.

Thankfully, we haven’t had the latter for nearly 2 years now. He usually locks himself in the toilet, that’s his way of saying, ‘I can’t cope and this is my way of preventing myself from doing anything I’ll later regret’
I’m very aware though that those full blown meltdowns can come back at any point.

I let the phone ring out so I could regain myself and start thinking rationally and then I called them back,

“Hi this is C’s mum, did you just call me?”

I know I sounded calm but inside my heart is thumping with the dread of what her response is going to be.

“oh hi, yes, I just wanted to let you know that those forms are ready for you to collect from reception”

Really?!
Forms?!

I was panicking and freaking out over forms?!

Now I can relax and I’ll gladly feel stupid and to say I was feeling a little guilty is an understatement!

I should believe in him far more because my goodness he has earnt it!

I class myself as lucky, I have a 9 year old with special needs who has the determination of a warrior.

I don’t give him anywhere near enough credit as he deserves. I should answer the phone thinking, have I forgot to give him his lunch/water bottle?
Instead I think what’s he done wrong/what’s happend/is he struggling to cope again?

I went to pick him up from school and his teacher said he’s had a fantastic day!
Well of course he has!
He’s my little warrior who is determined to succeed no matter what stands in his way and when life knocks him down, he gets right back up and continues fighting.

I think it’s time to stop panicking when the phone rings.

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School pressures

One child back to school but due to the teacher training day my boy remains at home.

Do you ever have your child not wanting to go back to school?

My daughter didn’t because she’s worried about the mass amount of homework she has remaining. I have to be tough though, children are like vultures! They see your weaknesses and prey on them! My daughter is a very intelligent child with potential to have a very successful future but that means she has to do well in school and that’s not going to happen if she’s not there!

I’m not a pushy parent, she’ll come home and tell me she didn’t do well on a test. My first question is “well did you try your best?” I know she always does. She tells me she did but it was hard. I tell her “well now your teacher knows where you’re struggling so it’s a good thing”
As much as I want her to do well, I don’t want her worrying because she got a C on a test that has no impact on her future.

Is it just me or do schools apply more pressure on our children now?

She was 11 years old when she first started that school and yet they started by sending home predicted grades for GCSE! GCSE exams are at 16 years old! It applies so much pressure on them as they then think they have to get them grades!
My daughter is not a child you can apply pressure on and she will do well. Take the pressure off and she does fantastic.
I am sure others can relate.

I would love to hear your opinions.

Do you think schools put too much pressure on our children?

Too much homework?

Too much worry at such a young age?

Or maybe you think it’s good for them and prepares them for the future?

Let me know what you think and you can now follow me at Instagram.com/theuselessmother and Facebook.com/theuselessmother

Come and join me as I’m a bit lonely on there at the moment!