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The waiting game

It’s annoying,

I want progression but I’ve done all I can and now I have to rely on people doing what they should be doing.

On Friday I went to my GP and spoke to her about my concerns and what I wanted, I want a diagnosis, if I’m correct in thinking that I am autistic.

Why do I want a diagnosis at 35 years old? Because I want answers,  I want to know why I am like I am and why I’ve struggled the whole of my life with things people don’t appear to struggle with.

She was fantastic, I expected a form to fill out to check if I was depressed, I know I’m not and I’m happy that she did not give me that form!

What she did do was listen, ask questions and write the answers down.

GP’s are unable to diagnose autism or anything alike but she can take down as much information as possible to pass on to the relevant person and then that’s a head start.

I was waiting a while to be seen and in that time I managed to count every single flu flag hanging up, read every single poster surrounding me, realise a diabetes poster was 2 years old and I didn’t stop fidgeting once.

I didn’t realise I was doing any of this until I looked around to see everybody else sitting perfectly still and when I looked down, my foot was in constant motion. I then realised that counting flags, examining posters and not sitting still wasn’t quite normal!

One poster that catches your eye, fine, every single poster without even realising I was doing it is not! And then I started looking back and realised that I do this everywhere and wherever I go and then I realised when I was in last, I was constantly watched by people who clearly found it fascinating to see a grown woman taking in so much detail of everything around.

A door opened, I knew I was next because I had been studying the people coming and going and calculating who I was going to be after. My calculations don’t make any logical sense but they do in my head.

There was a beep and I instantly stood up knowing it was my name, I looked up and I was correct.

I went in and all I could think about was the diabetes poster being out of date and how there was 10 flu flags with 2 hiding out of sight (I clocked them on the way out )

I managed to focus and say half of what I wanted to with confidence.

The GP eventually brought it to a close and told me she’d look into the best approach for me.

She was lovely and took me very seriously.

On the way out I took one last look at the out of date diabetes poster, smiled to myself  thinking the next time I go in, that poster will still be there.

Let’s hope I’m not waiting too long for the next step – if they allow me to move to the next step.

Fingers crossed.

Featured

One for the women

Smear tests!

Oh dear God Lord! Why do we fear these so much?! 

The letter comes through the post and you read the words ‘we would like to invite you’ 

Invite you! It’s a smear test! Not a birthday party!

We invite you to come and take your bottom half off for a complete stranger and spread them! And I’m not talking about spreading your clothes neatly out on the bed, oh no! Spread your legs so any dignity you thought you had remaining after 2 kids and previous dreaded smear tests has well and truly gone! 

Yet when you think about it, I’ve had 2 babies, 3 pregnancies, 1 baby was induced, both babies I had the sweep with. The 2rd pregnancy I had to have an induced miscarriage, with that and the sweep, it pretty much feels the same as a smear test does. Just think how many times I’ve been in that same position of leaving my dignity behind and yet I never worried about it once. 

If we all worried about the embarrassment so much, we’d never have babies, so why is it so different for a smear test? 

The smear test could potentially save your life and yet so many of us go without it because we fear feeling uncomfortable for a couple of minutes. 

If somebody came to you and said we can do a 2 minute simple, painless test on you and it could save your life, do you want it? We would jump at the chance. 

That’s what the smear test is! A 2 minute test which could save your life. 

We need to put this embarrassment aside and if we don’t want to do it for ourselves, do it for our children, especially if you have a daughter as I think it’s massively important to give them the message that it’s just something we should do, along with paying the bills and doing the laundry. 

My daughter is 12 and she knows nothing of the smear test as yet but I will be casually mentioning it, in hope she asks questions and when she does I will tell her it’s a test only woman have to do, like the dentist and opticians, every so often you have to go and have the test done but this one is even more important because it can save your life. 

2 minutes of your life could save your life

Take the test