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It’s almost Christmas! 

I’ve been rather busy, my little mind gets too flustered when I’ve got too much to think about so I’ve gave my blog a break for a bit.

But I’m back now so time for an update!

This might seem a bit all over the place but welcome to my brain!

My boy is back on medication for now as he’s been struggling socially and emotionally but he’s now back to being happy again! Yay!

Christmas food shop came yesterday! Why did I order the fresh food over a week early? I don’t know either! Vegetables and potatoes will be prepped and frozen by tomorrow! It seems like a lot of effort but I’m sure the future me will be very thankful!

It’s Christmas jumper day and Christmas meal day at my sons school today, I was dreading both and I know he also was.

He always worries about wearing the wrong thing and I get that, I’ve been there! He said he was just going to wear normal clothes and I would of let him. That was until I went shopping and spotted an awesome Christmas top of Santa doing a fortnight dance move! He loved it! As it was only a short sleeved top I pulled all of his Christmas jumpers out and found an elf one that said #elfie! He was more than happy to wear it and walked down the street with his coat undone, proud of his jumper! Success!

Next problem was Christmas Dinner! He won’t eat school dinners but I also knew that when he sees everyone enjoying themselves he’ll feel left out, what can I do to fix this problem? I slow cooked a pork joint overnight, made some stuffing this morning and he went to school with a pork and stuffing roll, (cob where I come from!) some carrot sticks, cherries, (still got to get his 5 a day in!) a mince pie and obviously I couldn’t not put a Christmas cracker in there for him! He was delighted! Mission completed!

This year we have done away with advent calanders and instead I got little Christmas tree stockings that I put a treat in each evening for the morning. They love it and it works out so much cheaper.

I think I will sign out for now so I can get something useful done!

Tomorrow I’ll be giving an update on how the Christmas jumper day went and whether I got my act together and sorted those veggies out!

Over and out!

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The waiting game

It’s annoying,

I want progression but I’ve done all I can and now I have to rely on people doing what they should be doing.

On Friday I went to my GP and spoke to her about my concerns and what I wanted, I want a diagnosis, if I’m correct in thinking that I am autistic.

Why do I want a diagnosis at 35 years old? Because I want answers,  I want to know why I am like I am and why I’ve struggled the whole of my life with things people don’t appear to struggle with.

She was fantastic, I expected a form to fill out to check if I was depressed, I know I’m not and I’m happy that she did not give me that form!

What she did do was listen, ask questions and write the answers down.

GP’s are unable to diagnose autism or anything alike but she can take down as much information as possible to pass on to the relevant person and then that’s a head start.

I was waiting a while to be seen and in that time I managed to count every single flu flag hanging up, read every single poster surrounding me, realise a diabetes poster was 2 years old and I didn’t stop fidgeting once.

I didn’t realise I was doing any of this until I looked around to see everybody else sitting perfectly still and when I looked down, my foot was in constant motion. I then realised that counting flags, examining posters and not sitting still wasn’t quite normal!

One poster that catches your eye, fine, every single poster without even realising I was doing it is not! And then I started looking back and realised that I do this everywhere and wherever I go and then I realised when I was in last, I was constantly watched by people who clearly found it fascinating to see a grown woman taking in so much detail of everything around.

A door opened, I knew I was next because I had been studying the people coming and going and calculating who I was going to be after. My calculations don’t make any logical sense but they do in my head.

There was a beep and I instantly stood up knowing it was my name, I looked up and I was correct.

I went in and all I could think about was the diabetes poster being out of date and how there was 10 flu flags with 2 hiding out of sight (I clocked them on the way out )

I managed to focus and say half of what I wanted to with confidence.

The GP eventually brought it to a close and told me she’d look into the best approach for me.

She was lovely and took me very seriously.

On the way out I took one last look at the out of date diabetes poster, smiled to myself  thinking the next time I go in, that poster will still be there.

Let’s hope I’m not waiting too long for the next step – if they allow me to move to the next step.

Fingers crossed.

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The start of the process

We all have our down days and today I’m feeling that!

I was watching a ‘comical’ video of a woman who couldn’t get it together. It was supposed to be comical but all I could see is me!

I’m the most disorganised mum you can imagine! I hate it, I don’t want to be this way but I am, I also know it’s a sign of ADHD and for a while now I’ve suspected I may have ADHD and autism. As a child the signs of autism screamed at you but unfortunately I was born in the 80’s, I could talk, (thanks to speech therapy) I could walk (eventually) so nothing was done. Now, I’d of had an autistic label stuck on back in the 1st appointment because it was that obvious.

I always wondered why I was different but then I could see similarities in my son apart from we dealt with them in different ways. I would be non verbal and cry, he would lash out in frustration. I’m guessing that would be the difference between a girl and a boy.

To this very day I find life incredibly difficult, whether that’s work, domestic, social, emotionally or any other, it feels like a challenge.

I do love working but it’s fitting everything in around it that I struggle with.

I do kickboxing and yet I struggle so much with the coordination I consider quitting but the only reason why I took it up in the first place is to get my son involved and because I’m there with him, he finds it easier to cope. That’s the only reason why I haven’t quit.

My son has to get his special needs from somewhere and I think it’s about time I started on the path to figure out if it’s me or not.

It would explain so much, why I struggled socially, why I struggle to fit in anywhere, why I’m so disorganised, why I struggled in school, why I can’t focus on anything but when I am focused I’m almost obsessed, why I’ve always been extra emotional and simply why I’ve always felt different to everybody else.

Today I’m going to make that appointment which will hopefully get me on the right path.

I will blog my journey so if anybody else is feeling the same way but anxious to start the process, hopefully my road will make it a little easier for you to take that first step